Abbott & Costello go Modern

The names are a bit outdated, but it's still too funny to not distribute far and wide...

(The Oval Office)

George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China .

George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China .

George: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.

George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China ?
Condi: Yes.

George: I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.

George: The guy in China .
Condi: Hu.

George: The new leader of China .
Condi: Hu.

George: The Chinaman!
Condi: Hu is leading China .

George: Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China .

George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China ?
Condi: That's the man's name.

George: That's who's name?
Condi: Yes.

George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China ?
Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China ? I thought he was in the Middle East .
Condi: That's correct.

George: Then who is in China ?
Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir is in China ?
Condi: No, sir.

George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.

George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China . Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?

George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?

George: No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.

George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.

George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?

George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?

George: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China .

George: Will you stay out of China ?!
Condi: Yes, sir.

George: And stay out of the Middle East ! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi.

George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.
(Condi picks up the phone.) Condi: Rice, here.

George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China . And the Middle East . Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East ?